Monday, September 17, 2012

made for more

hi, dear ones. oh, what a week it has been!
i've sat down and tried to write twice since wednesday, but haven't found the words for what i want to say. i still don't, but i've decided to go ahead with it!

wednesday started off rocky....i had a 7am babysitting job that i set the wrong alarm for, and didn't wake up till 7:02 (and only because someone texted me at that time). then my mom got a call informing us that hospice had been called in on my great-grandfather (my dad's paw paw).
we were at the nursing home everyday after that, all leading up to Saturday morning when Paw Paw Ward passed away.
Tonight was the wake, tomorrow will be the funeral.

it's been hard, mostly because daddy's gone, and this was his paw paw- the one he grew up with, the only one he ever knew, the one he looks just like, the one he shares a name with.
everything about this week -being with daddy's side of the family constantly, reminiscing, looking through old photos of paw paw and daddy- it's just been a little tough.
everyday, something is missing. there's a certain laugh we don't hear, witty jokes that don't get told, sweet blue eyes we cant look into.
all of that hurts.
but it hurts worse to think that daddy has to grieve alone. we at least have family, he has no one. he can't even truly grieve, not like if he were here. he can't let it get to him too much, he can't get distracted- his life depends on it.
how unfair is that? that a man can't even properly grieve the death of his grandfather?

this world is beyond unfair. this life hurts, it stings, it's trying, it's almost impossible. why?
this world is full of sin and it spills over into every part of life and fills every corner and crevice with pain and hurt. and it will always be that way.
yes, sometimes there are happy times- maybe even most of the time!
but there is always sin, always an emptiness, always a search for joy that can't be found in earthly things.

we were made to crave something more, something more fulfilling, more satisfying, something Worthy.

and so, if this world, this life, is all you have to hope in, i hurt for you. in fact, i despair for you.
if this life is it, all there is, what is the point of persevering? pulling through? not giving up? hoping? praying? looking on the bright side?
there is none!
i was talking to my sister about this yesterday, and we just sat and agreed on how thankful we are that our eyes have been opened, that the veil has been lifted for us, and we know the Truth.
we know that this world is not all there is. there is more, and, yes, i speak of eternal life.

when i quote john 3:16, the part of eternal life (or "everlasting" life, depending on how your sunday school teacher taught it) always seems so "far away". Not unthinkable or impossible, just somewhere "out there", "in the future", or "not today".

as i looked at my Paw Paw Ward's old, sweet face tonight, it hit me that for him, eternal life was "real life". it was reality, no longer a futuristic thing for him. it was finally his, that new life he had been promised for all of his 95 years, and even before.
this life is now his old life, a memory, no longer something he's chained to, something that holds him back. he's free! he's living in eternal life, and it'll never end! (redundant...)
Paw Paw Ward's body died on saturday morning, but his soul kept on living. and now, forevermore, no part of him will ever die, ever pass away. he is with the Lord, where his soul was always meant to dwell. He is home. He is fulfilled deep within his spirit; his craving has been satisfied. He is whole.

eternal life is the only thing that makes this life worth living. we are eternal beings, Jesus thought it was very good to make us that way.
death does not have to have the final say.

please, tell me: do you have the promise of eternal life? i know you have struggles, there's no use hiding them. we are all human and we live in a fallen world. i hurt, i go through painful times- now happens to be one of them. and if i didn't have the promise of eternal life, there would be no point in trying to make it through this, no point in being strong, courageous, godly, or good.
my heart is crying out to the Lord on your behalf: surrender.
surrender, dear one. you can't do this on your own, and if you had to, there'd be no point in it anyway, amen?
Someone has already picked up the burdens you're fighting so hard to carry. Someone has already forgiven you for the sin you can't forgive yourself for. Someone already has a plan for your life, one that will not harm you, but instead, will prosper you, will give you hope, will give you a future beyond the time-span your earthly body can last!

this world is not all there is. Jesus is more. He's what you're craving, what your soul has always wanted to love. You were designed that way, stop fighting. surrender.

Dear ones, my heart's desire is for you to know His love! if i had only one thing left to say to you, to anyone, it would simply be "don't fight it". He's knocking, He's tugging. However He's drawing you, He says that you're without excuse.
Maybe you didn't know it was Him all this you do. Respond. Surrender.
i have prayed for you. The Lord is working in you and for you.

i love you all!
peace be with you!

You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
isaiah 26:3

No comments: