"Jesus, the Love who...went to the Cross to fulfill the unfulfilled, to pay the price for our broken love like we never could, to love God for His unbroken love like we never have."*
Truth slaps me in my face just like the frigid air slaps my bare legs in the winter time, in a skirt.
I could not fulfill the law.
I could not keep the commandments.
I could not pay the price for Love.
I could not love God back.
He says to adore His name and don't misuse it-- but I did that.
He says keep His commandments of Love, but I didn't know how.
I tried to pay the price for Love, but I came up short-- one cross short.
I tried to love Him back, but my love wasn't big enough.
And may I tell you something?
I still cannot keep the commandments fully. I lie and I covet and I lust, but it never shocks God.
I still cannot pay the price for Love and I am not entirely sure I even understand how much it really cost.
And God has not gotten any smaller.
So how can I sing of being lost and then found? How can I walk with a spring under my feet and carry a smile on my face with confidence in my heart? How and why on earth am I free?
Today I walked into church and realized it was the first Sunday of the new year. I sat down with my team and we talked about what a privilege it was to do what we do-- how honored we were to bounce the babies on our hips and ask the two-year-old what sound the sheep makes and sing the song ten times over if it will keep the infant resting. I lifted my hands above my head and sang loudly with the others and soaked in the Truth as it was spoken.
At the end of the day, it finally dawns on me like first light in the early hours of morning. My eyes are reopened and I recognize the familiar truth sinking into my bones. Remembering is like like hugging an old friend after years of disconnect. I feel it like home and I know it deep down in the heart of who I am:
The rescue plan.
There I was, a helpless babe floundering about in a sea of "thou shalt nots". I was unworthy of loving a God so big and I was ashamed of even trying.
But out of nowhere, a star appeared in the east and it led me to a baby bouncing on His mother's knee.
This was the plan all along-- the rescue plan.
The plan to sweep in and scoop me up and take me home and dust me off and set me back on my feet again.
But this time, I would feel lighter. The breath I breathed would be sweeter and the Love he gave me would feel right.
You see, professing Jesus as my savior doesn't give me special powers to finally be able to love God like he deserves.
No, He knew I would never be able to.
So His Son traveled through the universe, making his way to the footstool of the galaxies, and do you know what He did?
He did it for me-- that was the plan.
*The Greatest Gift, Ann Voskamp