perfect

It'll be perfect. I promise.

It'll be exactly how it's supposed to be, exactly how He's willed it, just how He's promised.

But will it fill your insides with that feeling they always talk about. That "I just knew it" feeling? 

I don't know. 

Will you know that it is indeed perfect while it's perfect or will you still be trying to understand and figure out what's going on because nothing feels perfect? 

I don't know.

Will we know? Will we know like they say we'll know? 

I don't know.

I'm filled with that unsure feeling that overwhelms my brain and my heart and makes my body feel sick, like I need more vitamin C or something. This uncertainty torments because its father is fear, and fear is trained to kill. It's trying to kill me. I'm dying.

"Determined to make things go your own way, you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My Presence. Stop all your striving and watch to see what I will do. I Am The Lord."

I'm a dramatic little thing sometimes. "You aren't dying, Child," he comforts. I'm sure He's shaking His head and laughing (a little). I sniffle back my self pity and agree with a nod of my own, swimming noggin.

After all, I do know that He is The Lord and sits at the right hand of The Father. Thankfully, He hollers at me (lovingly of course) sometimes saying, "Don't forget that time when I saved you and redeemed your life and became the best thing that ever happened to you."

Shoot, I did forget. How did I forget?! I'll never understand myself.

But MIRACULOUSLY and by the GRACE I do not deserve He forgives me. He looks at me, pulls me close, and retells me the story of my salvation. He extends his arms and touches with his smooth fingers all the wounds that awful fear and unknowing inflicted. There aren't even scars left. 

Why do I forget His goodness?

"I am not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned. I only know at His right hand stands One who is my Savior."

This is why I know it will be perfect: He is The Lord. He has willed good for me. He keeps the promises he makes. And He is perfect. 

I will remember. I will smother the feelings of fear with the glory of his Presence. He will heal my aching body and I will surely live. I will live and I will thrive. 

And when He wills, it will be perfect. 

Because He is perfect.